Necessary Inspiration for Haikuists

You are us.

You are a therapist.

You are a muse.

You are a revolutionary.

You are priceless.

Get as weird as you like. (stylistically)

Write the best quality poetry that you can,

Make sure they will benefit from it.

Lovingly limit the time of your interaction.

Make them cry / laugh / see something in a new way

These are the Haikuist Ten Commandments

  1. Thou shalt always uphold your deepest commitment to love, intimacy, and gift-giving. Do not accept tips unless the person appears deeply offended. Do not try to sell anything at all. Do not promote yourself in any way unless asked, and only then type the requested information on another card or on the back of the poem card, never on the front with the poem. Merely by giving the gift of haiku you are promoting yourself and poetry more than any sales pitch ever could.
  2. Thou shalt be on time. If you tend to run late (like many of us poets do) bring a book and arrive early. We all have the capacity to be on time, no matter how far we travel. Each time you arrive after your call time (not after the performance start time) you have a lesser chance of being booked again. We will not contract poets who jeopardize our reputation by consistently arriving after their call time. 
  3. Thou shalt treat every guest with the utmost love and respect. If their topic is terrible, have a genuine conversation to help them find a topic they will enjoy and learn from. Say what you will in privacy and with discretion after the event, but never speak ill of a guest or a client during an event unless someone has disrespected or harmed you and you are seeking assistance. If you ever have a problem with a guest, use your inner guide to respond genuinely and in line with your conscience and tell your co-haikuist, LA, and the event host (if necessary) immediately.
  4. Thou shalt dress hella cute. Always show up dressed and looking timeless, dapper, and like the star of the room. Hats, scarves, ties, cufflinks, vests, spats, suspenders, coattails, tie-bars, stockings, cravats, gloves, brooches, monocles, pince-nez, and pocket squares are recommended. Vintage inspired, clean, well-fitting suits, and/or cocktail attire are mandatory to contract with us.
  5. Thou shalt arrive for your event fed, watered, rested, and in good health. Get headaches often? Bring your preferred analgesic. Diabetic? Bring granola. Feeling sleepy? Take an espresso shot before you arrive. Love drinking all night long and not sure about the beverage situation? Bring a flask. You are an adult and in charge of your needs.
  6. Thou shalt keep the haiku stand spotless and zen. Nothing more than your typewriter, cards, stamp, and one beverage per haikuist should be on the table at any time. If you are displaying haiku to be collected or as examples, they shall be in an orderly fashion in front of your typewriter, facing the guests.
  7. Thou shalt not cancel your accepted gig. The more often and closer to the event time that you cancel, the less likely that we will contract you again.
  8. Thou shalt ask as many questions as you could possibly want, via email or phone call to LA, BEFORE your gig. Do not ask non-crucial questions via text message or during your performance.
  9. Thou shalt expect the payment listed in the event invitation within 5 business days of your gig. Do not send money requests. Do not ask us what the pay was after the gig. Do not ask to be paid early unless you have some sort of dire need.
  10. Thou shalt enjoy thineself thoroughly with mirth and joviality. 

Much love.